"If you expect nothing, you can never be disappointed." I
stumbled across this quote and my first thought was how silly, but after
thinking about it a little deeper I realized that all too often I find myself
sinking into this mindset. Most of the time this is because I let my fear of
the unknown get the best of me. If I find myself in this position then I know
there must be others who feel the same way.
How many opportunities does a person pass up within a lifetime for the fear
of disappointment? How many of us choose to no longer have expectations for the
same reason? All too often fear cripples a person’s ability to dream and succeed.
Many go as far as no longer becoming excited because they fear that disappointment
is right around the corner, or they are waiting for the other shoe to drop so
to speak.
Have any of you encountered this predicament? If so would you like to share?
Thank you,
-
Jane Marie
Fear of disappointment has dogged me most of my life; either fear of others disapointing me or of me disapointing myself. Strangely, I don't fear disapointing others as I tend to do whatever it takes not to behave in a way that disapoints. All three of these respresentations of disapointment have an upside and a downside on my behaviors as well as my emotions. When I was in high school I remember my best friend joined a club and didn't invite me to join with her, I was so disappointed in her behavior and immediately thought "what's wrong with me?" I was humiliated,ashamed,and sad. I tried not to show how being excluded made me feel but I never quite trusted her again in the same way as before, in fact my disappointment in her behavior caused me to be much more cautious in future friendships. I know that fear of disappointing my self has kept me from committing to new challenges in the past. I was not the best at following through. I thought that I would love learning to play the piano until I started lessons and realized that I would have to practice like a maniac. Way too much work for me - so of course I quit piano lessons and immediately felt this huge disappointment in myself. Unfortunately this proved to be a pattern in my life for a number of years - I would start something but then quit when I lost interest or it became difficult to do the required work. I didn't realize that this pattern of behavior was undermining my self confidence for many years resulting in missed opportunities and poor self esteem. Fortunately, I realized what I was doing and forced myself to be a "finisher" no matter what. I remember the first project I finished - I trained for and ran a half marathon (13 miles) and felt the pride of accomplishment for the first time in a long time - it felt great - no need for excuses just a nice earned feeling of satisfaction.
ReplyDeleteI no longer fear disappointment, I know that I can count on myself to follow through and not let myself or others down. Instead I fear complacency - getting too comfortable and not challenging myself. But that may be a topic for another blog :) ZP
I admit that I have also found myself caught in the pattern of fearing the unknown, and often times it has led to missing wonderful opportunities. I believe that if a person continually lives within the confinements of fear their lives will never be satisfying. But once that sort of pattern is formed it takes time to realize what sort of predicament we have gotten into.
ReplyDeleteIt is good to hear that you no longer fear disappointment. It is very important to be able to count on yourself! Although fear of complacency isn't a very good situation to be in either.
Thank you for sharing!
- Jane Marie
Janie, you are so right. I doubt that there are very many people that at one time or another in their lives they have not experienced fear of disappointment (or failure). I know I have TONS of times but you know the great thing is.....I do not believe there is a successful person out there who has not failed! Even great minds such as Albert Einstein (sp?) experienced failure and ridicule - but the key is - (and thank goodness) he kept on trying - he did not let it stop him. When you look at it that way it is almost a good thing to fail - that is how you learn! I know that is not such a great comfort when you are going through that but it is the true leaders and successful people who have tried and failed and just kept on going. I think it is less intimidating when you consider that it is the great people who have failed and then succeeded.
ReplyDeleteI think that is what is difficult to accept, the fact that in order to succeed we must fail in the process. I know that often times I even struggle with wrapping my mind around the concept! But you are right, if we are able to accept this for what it is then it is less intimidating.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing!
-Jane Marie